4 women open up on how the pandemic has affected their relationships

The ongoing pandemic has not just shaken the core of the world, but also of our everyday lives, leaving us to re-evaluate everything from our place in the world to our relationships. The ensuing changes have been aplenty, some life-changing while some, seemingly insignificant. On the front of personal relationships, speedbumps may have suddenly appeared even on the smoothest roads; leading one to pivot and change gears before accelerating again. Four women, in different stages of their romantic lives, share the highs and lows of the last six months with Vogue.

To swipe or not to swipe: The singleton′s saga

When Himangini Puri, founder of performing arts and wellness company Heavenly Bodies, moved to Mumbai from New Delhi a year-and-a-half ago, dating apps were a channel to meet like-minded people in a new city. The choreographer continues to use them now that she has temporarily shifted back to her hometown in the wake of the lockdown. “In the last few months, it seems like everyone has joined dating apps, even those who had written them off. So, suddenly the space is overpopulated, and it takes meticulous weeding out to find matches that are right for you. But everyone′s just craving connection in these tough times.” With the pressure of turning an in-app match to an immediate IRL date being taken away, Puri has found a marked improvement in the quality of conversations. “Earlier, it was chatting just enough to be able to fix up a meeting. Now, it′s a conscious decision to engage in more meaningful conversations. People are more present, and willing to listen.” Has she been on any online dates with potential suitors? “I′ve been talking to someone for a month now. We get on a video call about once a week, and grab a virtual drink together. I do think they (video calls) are an efficient way to judge if a vibe exists. It saves you the time, effort and money spent on, say, going to a bar or restaurant (which you can′t right now, in any case),” she says. “That said, they are not foolproof. The need to meet cannot be eliminated. That will always be the foundation of any connection.”

Stronger together: Committing to your relationship

Actor and podcast host Rytasha Rathore has been with her cinematographer boyfriend for three-and-a-half years now. Living together made the early days of the pandemic akin to a dream for the couple. “It felt like we were in our own movie. We′d read, workout, cook and clean together. It was wholesome and perfect,” says the Masaba Masaba actor. It allowed the duo to get clarity about their goals as individuals and as a unit. “We′ve had a lot of time to think, talk, and be with each other—it has made us stronger, wiser and better.”

But an accident in April, one that left her partner with a fractured collarbone, took a toll on their relationship. “It brought out the worst in me. I have never been meaner to him in my life. We had a lot of fights and disagreements over a multitude of issues, but through it all, the love and respect we have for one another definitely grew.”

While largely blissful, the lockdown also taught them the importance of time apart. Familiarity does breed contempt, after all. So while Rathore is currently in Goa with a friend, her partner is visiting his parents. “A committed, adult relationship is not what′s portrayed in films. It′s infinitely more complex, and so much more rewarding. Companionship is very important, but I now know that I need to be whole and complete just by myself too. And this pandemic has made me want to fall in love with myself and build myself again.”

Just married: The newly-wed bubble

Social media consultant Vandita Dhoot Joshi got married to her insurance broker boyfriend on the same day in January when the first COVID-19 case was detected in India. Two months into their wedlock, the newly-weds found themselves in lockdown. “This only made our relationship stronger. Being together 24x7 made us understand each other extremely well. We learnt the tiniest details (good and bad) about each other—it was like making up for all the time we spent apart before we got married.” The couple had been looking forward to exploring restaurants in Mumbai together, but without the option to do so, they started cooking together. “This turned out to be one of our favourite activities. You′d be surprised by how cooking together is actually more romantic than a date night out!”

But after four months of the ‘honeymoon period′, the couple also found themselves missing some cherished me-time. “As much as we love each other, we also love hanging out with our individual sets of friends, and let our hair down (me more than him),” reveals Joshi. “That balance between my partner and friends was suddenly unavailable. And having time alone to yourself is healthy for any relationship.”

For better or (for) worse: The balancing act

The lockdown presented Kolkata-based Radhika Lunia, design head at womenswear label Radical, with both quality family time and professional challenges. The working mother-of-two, who has been married to her entrepreneur husband for eight years, had a hectic travel schedule in the pre-pandemic world. “I was always there for my boys′ (ages four and five) milestones, but I missed a lot of the mundane moments and everyday details. The pandemic allowed us, as parents, to really enjoy every cuddle, every afternoon nap, and every meal together with the kids. It′s the kind of quality family time that was very rare earlier.”

Lunia and her husband adjusted to the changing dynamic, brought on by the lockdown, as a unit— the couple continues to share the load when it comes to watching the kids and overseeing their online classes, in a bid to balance their respective businesses with their parental duties. “Juggling work with homeschooling has definitely been a challenge,” the fashion designer admits. “Since these are formative years for my children, I′m glad that I am around for their foundational development. But earlier, when the kids went to school, I was at work. Now with online classes, the daily involvement is draining.” Lunia is still finding her footing when it comes to work-from-home—and she misses brainstorming with her design team. Remote sampling and production are proving to be difficult, but she is embracing technology where she can. “There′s a lot going on, but I′ve finally found a trick that works for me—to be 100 per cent present at the task at hand. The rest can be taken care of at its time.”

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